How to write about basic white girls

The following is an assignment and not intended to offend anyone:

The life of a white girl is pretty hard. You're in a constant struggle trying to figure out what you want to order at Starbucks, whether it's a venti PSL or a grande caramel macchiato. To write about a white girl is to write about every struggle that is out there. Hi my name is Brittany and i'm going to teach you how to write about white girls.

Whenever you write in your notebook or lets be real macbook, about a white girl one must make sure that the story is set in America because lets be real the only real white girls either live in Cali or New York. Your character's name should be one of the following: Brittany (like me), Molly, Jenna, Heather, Carly, Holly, Allison, Abigael, Amy or Katie. Everything else is NOT white. She has to be blonde with blue eyes, or blonde with greenish eyes cause everything else is NOT white. Her skin should be whiter than a piece of wonderbread.  Now I cannot stress the importance of this but her eyebrows HAVE TO BE ON FLEEK! The art of fleekness is only prominent in white girls. Creating the perfect arc in your story can only be successful if your character's eyebrows arc perfectly and are described as so. When it comes to hair ensure that you mention that your white girl character only wears messy buns.Finally everything they drink must be out of a mason jar.

Now lets move onto setting. Your main character has to be a coffee addict so when you open your book it has to be in Starbucks.  Your character also has to be an over the top Starbucks lover, when I say this I mean she has to drink Starbucks so much that if she was pulled over for a DUI it would be because of a caffeine overdose. If you want a change in scenery make sure its in a mall, or party, or the beach because that is what being white is all about: Shopping till you drop, tanning till cheeks are brown and of course partying all day all night. If you want a more somber casual setting for your story use your character's bedroom.  Her bedroom must be all white, and have christmas lights all over the room.

If your white girl character is to have a story line again it has to be a simple straightforward choice.  Your story line is built through your characters. To write about a white girl is to incorporate their everyday traditions. When you are writing your story about a white girl be sure to mention that their lives are laid out in a visual space. Their lives revolve around Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. Without expressing these forms of visual entertainment your white girl character may as well be dead.  Other possible story lines include a girl falling in love with a boy, a girl falling in love with a boy who doesnt like her but her sister, or finally a girl dressing up as a boy and falls in love with a boy.  You can always try to elaborate just make sure your ending is happy and pleasant with a couple driving of into the sunset with a hood less car.

Now if your unaware there are certain terms that white girls can use and certain terms they absolutely can not.  The following are words in their limited vocabulary; goals af, anything with a hashtag really, literally ( often used in cohesion with I can't), bae, g wagon,  PSL, any acronoym (OMG, TTYL, ONSD, OYSD, OOTD, OOTN).  Another pointer to keep in mind is that if you aim to write about a white girl you must make sure that you quote the film Mean girls at least 25 times in your novel.  Your white girl character will not be complete without this.

In conclusion if you follow these few short steps writing about a white girl is not that hard. She has to be a flat character with not much personality. She has to be someone with a limited vocabulary. She has to be someone who needs a man to be happy. She has to be a character which makes you wanna poke out your eyeballs because a life of a common white girl is so basic that you'll want a little diversity maybe throw in a miniature chihuahua in there while you're at it.

Paper 2 Response

Chosen Question:  Show how and to what effect Achebe makes use of myth legend or other stories and tales. 

Things fall apart is a realist fiction book, which mirrors the colonization of Africa. The novel is set in Umuofia, a town comprising of 9 villages in Nigeria. The story is mostly narrated from the main protagonist's point of view, Okonkwo. . Since the story is told from his perspective the cultural ideologies and traditional aspects are written as closely to the Igbo culture as possible. The Igbo culture incorporates many uses of myths and legends and are expressed as fact through the use of their stories and tales. The following analysis aims to show how and to what effect Achebe uses myth and legends through the different stories in the novel. Through the use of proverbs, myths, legends and fables Achebe aims to create an explanation for the Igbo customs and traditions thus enriching the reader's understanding helping them create a closer sympathetic bond between the Igbo characters in the novel.

The art of folklore and storytelling in African literature specifically Things fall apart has become one of the most important forms of literary expression. Through the novel one can see that the Igbo culture is an oral one. Orality is the only form of documentation, meaning that the different myths and legends in the story are explanations and documentations of the past. The use of proverbs in the culture are a form of expressing an obvious truth. For example in Chapter 1 one can see the reference “Proverbs are the palm-oil with which words are eaten." In this example we see a proverb being used to communicate a more refined lifestyle. This way the standards for a lifestyle are communicated through a popular and clear way. Another proverb which is shown in the first chapter is”If a child washes his hands he could eat with kings". As one can see from the novel the culture is very tradition based and the idea of born with a title, and dying with a title are very important. This proverb communicates the values of their society but also a way to "rise from the ashes".  It is basically stating that by removing the dirt of the ancestors you can have a chance of a different future, each one builds his own fame. We can see this proverb communicated and mirrored through Okonkwo's life which hence builds and enriches the meaning of the proverb for the reader.  

Fables are fictitious stories which are often times about animals. The are shared to teach a moral lesson.  Fables are also used to mirror reality and even foreshadow the future. In the novel we can see both examples.  In chapter 11 Ekwefi tells Ezinma a story about a turtle who changed his name to be a part of a feast. In the culture we can see this as a story about teaching patience but it is a very multi-vocal texts. Taking a colonial lens and the by looking at the context of this novel one can see that this story mirrors the idea of colonization, where the turtle had to change his name (language) to be a part of a community. Only by changing his identity was he allowed to feast, thus mirroring that the Igbos fate.  Okonkwo's son Nwoye changed his name to Issac to survive in a society ruled by oppressors similarly to that of the turtle. The use of this story helps one understand the context of the novel but also foreshadow the fate of the Igbo since this fable is told before the colonizers disturb the peace in Umuofia.

Myths and Legends are both types of stories which are handed down from generation to generation serving to explain phenomena or customs.  In the novel they help the audience understand the historical basis of certain events thus enriching the reader's understanding. The coming of the locuses are very destructive but are values since they mark the coming of prosperity. 


In conclusion fables, myths, and legends serve a deeper purpose.  In the story itself it serves purpose for the characters as it provides explanations for cultural and traditional events. For the audience it enriches their understanding of a certain event. This enriches their understanding of the Igbo culture which then overall makes them have a larger appreciation. 

Memoir

Our culture our beloved Umuofia, has fallen. Unravelled like the cultural loin cloth that our people have abandoned for the white man's pants.  Umuofia has been my home for years, I was born and brought up in such a rich cultural environment untouched by white civilization. I have a great appreciation for my fellow Igbo and the fall of my cultural heritage is a pain I do not think I can endure. To say the white man's tool of oppression is the only reason we have fallen would be a lie. Our culture should have evolved, our traditions should have evolved. Okonkwo's banishment for a mistake, mutilating twins, and the death of Ikemefuna should all have been avoided. Our culture should have become stronger, as it is the survival of the fittest in a world with no mercy. Not only should our culture have evolved but our own people should have stayed dedicated to their roots. My own friend Okonkwo has lost his son to the white ashy buttocks and changed his name to Isaac.  Our culture was enriched by our traditions and cutting connection it results in a loss of cultural identity. Umuofia will fall because we are not strong enough to fight what is coming.There is no peace ahead. This path will not end without war.What is coming is bigger than any one of us and to survive it we need to unite and resist. but since our people refuse to do so.. Things will inevitably fall apart.



Our culture our beloved Umuofia, has fallen. Unravelled like the cultural loin cloth that our people have abandoned for the white man's pants.  Umuofia has been my home for years, I was born and brought up in such a rich cultural environment untouched by white civilization. I have a great appreciation for my fellow Igbo and the fall of my cultural heritage is a pain I do not think I can 

Paper 2 Analysis

Guided Question: 

To what extent has an awareness of context enriched or enhanced your understanding of Things Fall Apart?

Things Fall apart by Chinua Achebe is a novel that depicts the colonization of Nigeria in a different light. Written through the perspective of the oppressed the novel explores the different themes of power and colonization Umuofia, a town comprising of 9 villages in Southeast Nigeria. The novel follows the story of Okonkwo, the protagonist who is the clan leader. As the plot progresses one is able to understand the different aspects of the Igbo culture through the interactions he has with different characters. One understands the different culture values and traditions as well as different social statuses. Gender roles also come in to play here, where in the Igbo society the portrayal of men and women are very different to that of the modern world. When examining this novel one must also keep in mind the context and setting of this particular novel, since their cultural values are much different from other parts of the world. The following will be discuss how understanding the context of the Igbo culture helps better understand the text Things fall apart when it comes to the understanding of the different gender roles in their society.

The portrayal of women has changed immensely over time, from a time where women were not allowed to vote, to a time where women hold high stature in the social world.  Achebe aims to portray a traditional Igbo family as best as he could considering the social acceptance during the time period of colonization. The stereotypical view of women was prominent where their jobs included housekeeping, tending to the children and the well-being of the household.  Women were not seen as strong in an independent fashion but physically strong enough to carry out the manual labor of crop harvesting. Another practice which was common in referral to women, was physical abuse. Men often times used women as a way to control their anger and show stature through physically harassing them. Often times women were seen as prizes rather than human beings, and their marriages included a dowry. Although women were seen prizes they were respected in a certain way because they were seen as the more spiritual sex, hence closer to god. There were also special cases when it came to war counseling. The priestess Chielo of agbala was a woman who would take the role of the Oracle and advise the men of the village in further actions when it came to combat and areas of difficulty. By looking at these examples one can see the true nature of the civilization, where women were given a different type of respect but would have to be bestowed special gifts to be respected.

Men in the Igbo tradition were portrayed as complete opposites from women. Their power was determined by their accolades and were seen more powerful than woman. Through the characterization of Okonkwo one can see the traditional beliefs the culture has. Okonkwo is a very narrow minded character who has the fear of becoming like his father, so much that he has ensured that he is the complete opposite by creating an image for himself where he is put across as strong and brutish. The first time he gains social credibility it is for winning a physical fight against Amalizine the cat. The ideology of titles are translated quite literally where a man is made from "the robes he buys".  In the novel we see many examples of this, one of which being polygamy. Okonkwo has many wives and only because they are titles. He does not show our modern day examples of love out of fear of being seen as weak. Another example we see is the physical labour men partake in. 

Based on this information when taking on different perspectives for example a modern day lens, this novel would be seen as "offending (racist) and sexist" since the cultural values and beliefs the Igbo have are very stereotypical in relation to exactly what the world does not want to see in media today. It is important to understand and accept the fact that this is what was common in the 1890's time period and does not depict or mirror our modern day society in any way. It is easier for Africans to understand the purpose of this novel and look past all the modern day "quirks" of it than westerners, or europeans because this was their culture and essentially their roots until europeans changed because they saw it as offensive. Therefore reading things fall apart with a colonial lens in mind is important because it helps with understanding then novel for the reason it was written, telling the story of the oppressed. 

Paper 1 Analysis

Paper 1 Practice:

The Prince of Tides is an article published in Stardust Icon magazine in 2010 by Piyush Roy.  This article uses different stylistic devices, tone, to help convey the purpose in relation to theme to convey Saif Ali Khan’s as a successful Bollywood icon growing similarly to that of tidal waves.

Saif Ali Khan is a Bollywood celebrity who has become very popular over the years for his different roles in Bollywood cinema.  Since his medium of films is Bollywood, one can state that the target audience for this article are Bollywood fanatics.  In the text the author refers to films such as “Love aaj kal” which mostly only Bollywood moviegoers will understand. Also people who have watched his films and enjoyed them would be drawn to this article since it promotes him in a positive image. The article talks about his career as a serendipitous ride calling it “unpredicted” again something which will interest Bollywood fans.  The care-free attitudes and lifestyle choices which Khan Makes helps the audience eager to learn more about he grew famous from such an “unplanned” journey.

The purpose of this article is to highlight Khan’s rise to stardom and the different internal and external obstacles he had to face to maintain his success. The theme of Khan’s carefree attitude is seen throughout the article where he faced struggles with his family, insignifant roles, and most noted his surface as a producer. He opens saying “he was just having fun” showing his carefree attitude. This only continued as his career did.  The author expresses that this attitude was both helpful as becoming successful and a struggle when it came to his early stages of acting.  The author states that Kahn was prone to the risk of letting stardom hit his pride. , “The challenge now lies in how he steers clear of the demons of smugness that tend to so seamlessly corrupt good actors tending to lose themselves to the trappings of stardom.”

The themes in this article are shaped around Khan’s personality. He is portrayed as a carefree actor whose rise to stardom was serendipitous. The themes developed are mainly happy and light as life for him is portrayed as a road rather than a struggle. This in turn helps the audience build towards understanding that the article mainly attempts to promote him. Themes in this article are often used in relation to literary devices. Tidal waves are highlighted here where the coming and going of waves are represented as a metaphor to mirror Khan’s career. This emphasizes the idea of what is supposed to happen will happen.

The tone and mood of this article are generally light as Roy promotes Khan in a positive light. The author comes across as highly opinionated but the article is kept light because it is an opinion he is expressing rather than a critique. His use of highly opinionated language “starting a distant last, struggling” shows that the tone is happy. Since this text convention mirrors to that of a magazine the viewer’s expect an insight in Khan’s lifestyle and like most magazines show the article conveys a positive message.

In conclusion Roy uses a combination of stylistic figures, themes, and tones to help convey the purpose of the passage. He aims to promote Khan in a positive light for an audience of fans. He uses the metaphor of tidal waves to emphasize the serdepitious way of Khan’s career.