How to write about basic white girls

The following is an assignment and not intended to offend anyone:

The life of a white girl is pretty hard. You're in a constant struggle trying to figure out what you want to order at Starbucks, whether it's a venti PSL or a grande caramel macchiato. To write about a white girl is to write about every struggle that is out there. Hi my name is Brittany and i'm going to teach you how to write about white girls.

Whenever you write in your notebook or lets be real macbook, about a white girl one must make sure that the story is set in America because lets be real the only real white girls either live in Cali or New York. Your character's name should be one of the following: Brittany (like me), Molly, Jenna, Heather, Carly, Holly, Allison, Abigael, Amy or Katie. Everything else is NOT white. She has to be blonde with blue eyes, or blonde with greenish eyes cause everything else is NOT white. Her skin should be whiter than a piece of wonderbread.  Now I cannot stress the importance of this but her eyebrows HAVE TO BE ON FLEEK! The art of fleekness is only prominent in white girls. Creating the perfect arc in your story can only be successful if your character's eyebrows arc perfectly and are described as so. When it comes to hair ensure that you mention that your white girl character only wears messy buns.Finally everything they drink must be out of a mason jar.

Now lets move onto setting. Your main character has to be a coffee addict so when you open your book it has to be in Starbucks.  Your character also has to be an over the top Starbucks lover, when I say this I mean she has to drink Starbucks so much that if she was pulled over for a DUI it would be because of a caffeine overdose. If you want a change in scenery make sure its in a mall, or party, or the beach because that is what being white is all about: Shopping till you drop, tanning till cheeks are brown and of course partying all day all night. If you want a more somber casual setting for your story use your character's bedroom.  Her bedroom must be all white, and have christmas lights all over the room.

If your white girl character is to have a story line again it has to be a simple straightforward choice.  Your story line is built through your characters. To write about a white girl is to incorporate their everyday traditions. When you are writing your story about a white girl be sure to mention that their lives are laid out in a visual space. Their lives revolve around Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. Without expressing these forms of visual entertainment your white girl character may as well be dead.  Other possible story lines include a girl falling in love with a boy, a girl falling in love with a boy who doesnt like her but her sister, or finally a girl dressing up as a boy and falls in love with a boy.  You can always try to elaborate just make sure your ending is happy and pleasant with a couple driving of into the sunset with a hood less car.

Now if your unaware there are certain terms that white girls can use and certain terms they absolutely can not.  The following are words in their limited vocabulary; goals af, anything with a hashtag really, literally ( often used in cohesion with I can't), bae, g wagon,  PSL, any acronoym (OMG, TTYL, ONSD, OYSD, OOTD, OOTN).  Another pointer to keep in mind is that if you aim to write about a white girl you must make sure that you quote the film Mean girls at least 25 times in your novel.  Your white girl character will not be complete without this.

In conclusion if you follow these few short steps writing about a white girl is not that hard. She has to be a flat character with not much personality. She has to be someone with a limited vocabulary. She has to be someone who needs a man to be happy. She has to be a character which makes you wanna poke out your eyeballs because a life of a common white girl is so basic that you'll want a little diversity maybe throw in a miniature chihuahua in there while you're at it.